Reading my journal entries from 1983 made me realize how much I have changed. I am no longer the young woman who always wanted to know why things happened or why people did the things they did. Now I want to know how to live and love in the best way for myself and the people in my life.
When I left off, I had a very attractive African American boyfriend from Detroit in the Marines with me in California. When he received orders to Okinawa I was briefly lonely and bereft, then I started dating again. I felt very happy to be on a base full of young men and I wanted to take full advantage of the situation. I have always loved and appreciated men.
In the meanwhile Jake was still around still trying to get my attention by asking me questions to find out more about me. Then he would try to engage me in conversation about any topic he thought I might be interested in. I finally accepted him as an sweet, eccentric young man who had a crush on me, and we became acquaintances. I tried to set Jake up with one of my friends, but he said he was not interested.
A bunch of us young women and men Marines would get together in about a group of ten and go to dance clubs. None of us were a part of a couple and we just wanted to go out and have some fun. Jake was one of the young men who came along sometimes. At one of the clubs he kept putting his hand on my knee , but strangely I never noticed him putting it there. I would be annoyed and push his hand off, but then a half hour later it would be there again. I wanted him to stop, though in hindsight I don't think I was as angry and repulsed as I should have been by his uninvited touch. He asked me to dance and I didn't want to, but he looked so hopeful I said yes. That was the dance that changed my life. When he took me in his arms it felt as if I had just met a dear old friend I had not seen in a very long time. I did not want him to let me go. After the dance I immediately left to think about what had just happened because I did not understand what I was feeling .