Personally, I hear what Jill is saying. I am married to a white man and I still wince when I see a black man with a white or asian woman. Oddly, it does not bother me when I see a black man with a woman of latino or hispanic descent. It may be that not all of my feelings are rational.
My type of beauty is looked down upon in what has been and remains a Eurocentric culture. Got kinky hair and always loved the density and texture of my nappy locks. Whatever created me gave me chocolate brown skin which I always thought was pretty. That was not how other people saw me.
When I was younger I was taught that lighter-skinned women with straight hair were more desirable than I. On some level I believed it and then on another I didn't and resented what was being told to me. Even now when I look at television or on the web I rarely see myself characterized as beautiful. How about that Pinesol commercial when the woman gets sexually turned on by the smell of that product? I have never met any black woman that domestic.
Now I understand that people marry other people for various reasons; I married because I was in love and I have no doubt that some of the couples I described above have done the same. What I am saying is that women of African descent have been hurt by the beliefs and definitions of beauty put forward by this current culture partially because most of the people who have money to spend in the United States have lighter skin and straighter hair. Another reason is that women of African descent have been falsely characterized as inferior to other women. It gives some people the ability to create a self by declaring what they are not, but that's another blog post.
It is not my fault, and I am doing the best I can with this situation. I am tired of being blamed for what other people will not take responsibility. Much pain has been caused by declaring my beauty as third-class or non-existent. Jill was just being real.
I wonder what black men think when they see me with my husband? I happen to love his blond hair and blue eyes too, and the man who is using them.